i dont get chem SPA at all. should i drop chem? and take lit? i dont know. if you ask me, i'll probably fail chem and then drop dead. but if i take lit, i'll have to change class la. YIKES. i dont wanna go to a new class. i'll be isolated la. like some kind of disease. SARS. AIDS. what ever. they'll never accept me! then i'll fail ALL my subjects. and then drop dead. oh great. i'm left with no choice now. cmon, lets celebrate. look, i dont like being negative, but my life is going downhill right now, and i need someone to pick it up. hint- i need a man.

wait a sec.

did i just say i need a man?
excuse me. but i take my words back.

I DONT NEED MEN.

hello? i am an independent woman, i can do everything by myself. very nicely too. who needs men? *snorts*

hmm. on second thought, i dont need women too. (yes, yes, dont be shocked i'm not a les.)
then what do i need exactly? maybe i need something inbetween. something not man nor woman. okay. maybe i need.. kumar? no. michael jackson? no!

i think i need to hit the books. i dont wanna fail my promos. i dont wanna disappoint my parents. but i'm all talk and no action.i mean, i literally slacked my whole life away! the only thing i do whole-heartedly is eating. and sleeping. nothing else. since the begining of this yr, 've done no studying. zilch! and everyday, i see NYJC students mugging in school. day in, day out. j1s, j2s alike. i gasp, and wonder. then i brush it off and walk away, heading to the canteen, or attempting to pon lessons. like today. i ponned prof weiSHA's talk. firstly, i ponned because i was bored. secondly, even if i went, i wouldnt be able to comprehend what the heck he was saying. i mean, i'm a pretty good listener but prof weiSHA is outta my range. i'll end up stoning, like what i did the last time.

see? i'm finding excuses for myself again. i musnt do this, no. not all the time, anyway.

i worry i wont see your face light up again. actually i worry for mine too. my face is becoming increasingly spastic, sullen and inelastic. i cant smile. is this a sign of aging skin? oh no. but i doubt so la.


i lost my way.
who's gonna help me find my way back?
it wont take long, i promise.
i just need your hand.
put yours in mine.
wipe my tears away.
and we'll brave through this together.


you know what? i went for D&J just now. debate and journalism. just crashing. and they ordered pizza! haha! lucky me! (: i ate. and left. haha. yes, call me a meanie.

friendly match against NTU on sat.
three alphabets.
OMG.